I never saw myself as a stay at home mom. I always thought that I’d be able to have a career and be the best mom I could be. Especially after growing up and working in daycares and seeing how good the interactions were for the kids.
I never finished my degree. After high school, I went to college like was expected, but to be honest, it just didn’t feel like a fit. I was 18 year old, still living with my parents and I’m supposed to decide right then what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. That didn’t make sense. And now that I do know what i want to do, it seems almost impossible.
I left my job after having Cash because we knew we would never be able to afford daycare on my salary. After paying for care, I’d come home with about $100 a week. Too us, it just wasn’t worth busting my ass all week and being away from him for a lousy $100. At the time, Eddie was making enough for us to get by and we figured I could go back to work when Cash was a little older and daycare was less expensive. Except what happened instead was that daycares, because of increasing insurance costs, cost of living raises(which is laughable because giving someone a $0.50 raise isn’t really helping anyone), and other expenses, daycare prices have actually gone up.
I decided to go back to school and work part time so that I have a better chance of helping to provide for our family later on. But that means that Cash HAS to be in daycare. And thankfully the school has a great on campus daycare that is half the price of everywhere else I’ve looked. Unfortunately, half the price is still a lot.
So essentially I’m working to pay for daycare so I can go to school so I can work at a daycare that will barely pay me enough to live on.
That doesn’t seem to make sense, but it’s my life. Great, huh?
I try to put serious thought into all of my decisions. I had a teacher in high school once tell me that if you’re going to do something, you better know why you’re doing it and have a good reason for it. You can’t feel guilty for making an informed decision. And she was right. So I’ve tried to apply that advice to all of my parenting decisions.
I am a different person then I was when I first started this blog, a whopping 7 years ago. Life has changed in so many different ways, that I can barely keep track anymore. So let’s just start over.
Im not really sure what I’ll use this space for. General thoughts, musings, bitch sessions. Obviously bitch sessions. Pictures of my kid, who is the most frustratingly wonderful little human that I’ve ever known. We’ll figure it out together.
Just stick with me, like you always have, and I promise to figure it out.
So, I knew that my whole world was going to turn upside down from the moment they told me I was pregnant. Bit I didn’t expect half the stuff I’ve encountered over the last couple months.
For instance, I didn’t expect about half of my IRL friends to just up and disappear from my life. There’s literally about 5-6 people who I have not heard from since I told them I’m pregnant, and liking something I say on facebook, doesn’t count. I know that things are different now that I can’t go out and drink, but I didn’t realize that meant I was completely out a social life.
I also didn’t realize that there were so many random “symptoms” or “side effects” that come with being pregnant. Inflamed and bleeding gums? What the hell? Headaches, all the time. And you can’t take anything for any of it. Well, Tylenol, but let me tell you, they might as well be sugar pills.
And lastly, people just touch you. Everyone. People you know well, people you kinda know, and then random ladies at Target that you’ve never seen before in your life. Listen, if you’re going to start rubbing my stomach without permission, don’t be surprised if I start doing it back. Seriously. The lady at Target didn’t know what she was getting herself into.
How far along? 19 Weeks
Total weight gain: 12lbs. Thank goodness I didn’t gain anymore this week.
Maternity clothes? still trying to stay in regular tops. I did cave and buy two maternity sweaters because it FINALLY got cold!
Stretch marks? Yep. BioOil is amazing. Grandma, as always, was correct. The ones I have are lighter and I havent gotten any new ones.
Sleep: Boyfriend’s been out of town al week, so i have the added joy of sleeping alone. I think this kid knows when he’s not here.
Best moment this week: Hasnt happened yet. Boyfriend comes home tomorrow. I’m counting hours. I miss him a hell of a lot more than I thought I would.
Miss Anything? going out with my friends. Unfortunately, there’s a couple friends I simply havent heard from since I told them I’m pregnant. Guess they weren’t ready to be around such grown up stuff. Kinda sucks.
Movement: more this week. but only when I’m trying to sleep.
Food cravings: nothing really this week. I’m trying to stick with fruits and veggies
Anything making you queasy or sick: still onions
Labor Signs: Nope.
Symptoms: omg my gums hurt! I’m gonna go to the dentist soon to get some stuff done, see if they can help with the gums thing too.
Belly Button in or out? in
Happy or Moody most of the time: irritable and emotional this week.
Looking forward to: bf coming home! baby and I miss him!
How far along? 18 Weeks
Total weight gain: 12 lbs. Doc said it’s normal, but to maybe cool it on the carbs. lol
Maternity clothes? pretty much exclusively at this point as far as bottoms go. I did manage to squeeze into my Khaki’s with the help of a BellaBand. As far as tops go, I’m still trying to wear as much of my normal wardrobe as possible.
Stretch marks? Bought some BioOil this week. My grandma used to use it and said it’s amazing. And I trust pretty much anything that comes out of that women’s mouth.
Sleep: is no longer my friend.
Best moment this week: I think I get to spend a whole weekend alone with my man, his roommates are going to Vegas. So excited!
Miss Anything? my favorite pair of skinny jeans.
Movement: he was quiet this week. only felt him a few times.
Food cravings: grilled cheese sandwiches.
Anything making you queasy or sick: still just onions.
Labor Signs: Nope.
Symptoms: headaches. oh and my gums are swollen, which i had to look up to see if that was an actual preggo thing. Apparently it is. And it sucks.
Belly Button in or out? in
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy, but irritable this week.
Looking forward to: sonogram appointment in a couple weeks!