trying to keep hold of the good times. trying to only remember the love. i don’t want to resent you. i don’t want to hate you. i want to remember the good times.
dont you remember them? did all of it mean so little to you that you’d continue to try and force me into believing that you really are just a heartless son of a bitch after all. I dont want that. a huge part of me needs to continue believing you’re a good person. i need to believe that. please stop taking that away from me.
I’m really not sorry that we’re over. i know that its whats best for both of us. I’m just sorry for the way you’ve forced it to end.
please. with everything that i am, i beg you, leave me alone now.
even though i feel like i dodged a bullet, i can’t shake the feeling I get every time something good happens. I just want to call you and tell you everything about it. i want more than anything to talk to the one person in this entire world that understand every part of me, my best friend. and i cant help but feel the heartbreak all over again every time that i remember that i can’t call you anymore. i can’t talk to you. i wouldn’t know how to talk to you anymore anyways. because when i really think about it, i have nothing but anger for you still. In reality, you were never my best friend. because a best friend never would have done half the things you did.
i dont think i’ve ever been so upset in my life. i dont think anyone has been so hurtful towards me in my life.
this will never be the same after today. we will never be the same. any chance we had at any kind of relationship, friendly or romantic, went out the door today.
i’m still in complete shock.
i’m sitting on the floor under my window listening to the rain.
it’s calm. for a second it’s almost like the world stopped and all there was was the sound of the rain hitting the pavement.
and then a memory jumps into my head. how we used to sit on the patio when it rained. just watching. taking in the moment while everything was getting washed away.
i remember how safe it always felt, to sit there with you like that. it was in those moments that I knew we’d always be okay. because we’d always have the rain to wash everything away and start fresh.
It’s funny the little things you remember even after years pass. How you always wanted to run through it. and drag me behind. how excited you would get to see the water rush down the channels. or how the minute we got back to the house you’d find the closest blanket and wrap us in it to get warm.
it’s things like that i always remember. and they make me smile. because i remember that things weren’t always so bad. we were happy. life was perfect in those moments. and it’s good to remember that from time to time.
i used to hate that no one read this blog, but now i’m almost thankful for it. because i can say whatever i want, and almost no one reads it. everyone figured out that i write more on my tumblr. and by write, i mean reblog things other people have posted, because i feel like they express it better than i can.
i miss you. and i hate it. i hate that even now, i still feel like theres a giant part of me missing. and no matter what i do, i feel like i’d be having more fun if you were here.
but you’re not. and you chose not to be. and i have to remind myself that. because while i was trying to rearrange my life to fit you in it forever, you were running in the other direction.
i have to remind myself that you made the decision for us.
